Tag: emotional health

The Living…after the death of a loved one

Posted on by The TríB Online in Death, Family, Happiness, Life, Manifesting, Pandemic, Sadness, The Live TríB

Death….I’ve always heard there is one absolute that we all must face one day and that absolute is Death. And for most of us, we will be affected by it’s unbearable grip at some point in our lives. Having lost both parents before I made the age of 30, death has definitely had it’s awful grips of almost unbearable grief on me…more than I would have liked. But, it’s a reality. A dark reality that the “Living” must face after the death of a loved one. With a global pandemic hovering over us, death has affected so many people from all walks of life. Here are a few things that people don’t tell you about death. And it’s not because they don’t want to tell you. The truth is, it’s heartbreaking to tell you.

No one wants their fellow man to experience the crushing feeling that death brings upon you. But for those of us who have had death grip our airways and buckle our knees with grief, we know that someday, most will understand that feeling, and it’s not something that we want to talk about. 

For starters, the emotions that come from the death of a loved one will catch you off guard. No matter how much you think you have prepared yourself, no matter the pep talks or the macho man or superwoman speeches you have rehearsed. IT WILL CATCH YOU OFF GUARD.

Secondly, the roller coaster of emotions known as grief never go away. The intensity of the grief subsides with time, but you will spend the rest of your life in some level of grief. Now, this isn’t to say that you will be sad and moping the rest of your life. The truth is, you will learn to live life with a void, with an absence….and grief will sneak up on you after a seemingly happy stint in life….just out of nowhere…and guess what? This is normal…

Third, it is not your fault. This one goes hand in hand with grief. One of the stages of grief is the guilt stage. No matter what you could have done differently, the outcome was meant for that day and the circumstances cannot be changed. Death is a reality and it’s not your fault – that is unless you have intentionally killed someone with ill intent. 

Number four – it’s ok to hurt for others who are experiencing the death of a loved one. It’s ok to be there for them. If anything, you can probably help them get thru their tough time…if you’re strong enough and in a place to do so. Only you know your journey to healing and how much you can expend emotionally. 

Number five – it is ok to cry. Let me repeat for ALL, EVERYONE, EACH LIVING HUMAN – it is OK to cry….some people may tell you that you need to be strong, yada, yada….screw that. Release your emotions….cry….and cry some more. It’s ok. No one gets an award for “holding in tears from heartaches”. You don’t get a winning lottery ticket…none of that. So, cry…let it out. It’s ok. Death is absolute yet unpredictable and that’s the “big scary” of it all.

And finally, number six, it is ok to smile and be happy after the death of a loved one. I’m sure if we could ask those that have passed away if they would want us all on the ground drowning in sorrow or smiling and living a seemingly happy life, most would probably choose the latter for their loved ones. It’s ok to “live” after experiencing a heart breaking death. Breathe…..live…..and remember those who have passed on before us – honor them and cherish the loved ones who are here…because unfortunately, death is lurking. 

Jealousy….the green eyed monster….

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life, Manifesting, The Live TríB

Jealousy….jealous…hate….the green eyed monster….where does it come from? I’ll tell you where…insecurities…mommy and/or daddy issues…socialization issues…the upbringing…and an unhealthy need to compare livelihoods. Whew! That’s a tongue twister, yet all so real.

I despise those who have jealous hearts. If one cannot be truly happy for their family and friends then are you really a friend or family worth being around? Half support is better than no support? Is that the angle? *sigh*….

I’m upfront with my thoughts, words, and deeds. AND I give people enough rope to hang themselves in my life if they choose to do so. So if I have ever bowed out, just know that I allowed too many passes AND it was way pass the time for me to go….and when I think back over those lost relationships, a lot of the issues tend to formulate around jealousy. People will be jealous because you can get your underwear whiter than theirs in the washer. It’s crazy the amount of minute things that people are coveting in your life. Sometimes it takes people years to shed the false face. Once you see the real face, believe it. We tend to give too many chances to people in our lives who don’t deserve one chance. People tend to cross you at the thought of getting some sort of benefit that would place them ahead of you in this game called life. It’s weird. But just to sum it all up, be wary of those who always switch circles. Be very wary of those who lose relationships left and right and be UBER AWARE of anyone who will lie and cry at the same time….LMBO!

Let me digress….jealousy….it’s a cold world to live in. Next up….Monday…where do I start?

The First Step

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life, The Live TríB

Soooooo, I did the first show on: The Live TríB last night! It was awesome!!!! There was some great convo surrounding: Trauma Bonds between parents…..but what about the kids? There were testimonials and an overall sentiment that this generation of parents HAVE to do better. Meaning, we as parents need to listen to our children and be more cognizant of their mental and emotional health, in addition to their physical health. Sometimes, parents think in simple terms of: food, clothing, and shelter as the only requirements in raising kids. This is simply not true. Kids need nurturing, kids need love, kids need to be respected as humans (ouch….our elders may cringe at this last blurb). But, it is true. I’m not saying that as parents, we are to allow our kids to run amuck and be disrespectful to everyone, BUT I am saying that they have voices, they are human, and they have opinions that we as parents SHOULD listen to and internalize. We have to do better by our children’s mental state so that they can navigate adulthood in, hopefully, a more positive light AND be around others who were also treated with respect and dignity in their childhood.

The show had me self-reflecting on my own parenting and what I can definitely work on with my own children. These conversations should happen more frequently until those that think that “ruling by fear and force” are ashamed to do so when it comes to kids. Let the kids be kids….let them play…let them roam free….give them space to thrive (not just physical space, they need mental and emotional space as well). I’m committed to bringing awareness to how we as adults treat kids as a whole. While kids who are abused physically carry scars externally and internally, there are a whole lot of kids who carry internal scars and because these scars are not seen externally, the kids are viewed as being “ok”. The truth is, they are not ok, and we as parents need to NOT be “ok” with this either.

There will be more shows with more topics and some will be as serious as this one and some will be for fun and laughter. I want to thank the people who joined me on this first step of a new journey. I was thoroughly impressed with the dialogue and had several people tell me how insightful the conversation was to them and that they are looking forward to the upcoming shows. The Live TríB is here…to stay…to enlighten…to inform…and to entertain. Be sure to check in with me on Clubhouse where you can listen in to the show. Also, check in with me on Instagram for updates. CH: @theonlytri, IG: @theonlytri, actual clubhouse: The Live TríB.

Until next time….