Category: Family

The Living…after the death of a loved one

Posted on by The TríB Online in Death, Family, Happiness, Life, Manifesting, Pandemic, Sadness, The Live TríB

Death….I’ve always heard there is one absolute that we all must face one day and that absolute is Death. And for most of us, we will be affected by it’s unbearable grip at some point in our lives. Having lost both parents before I made the age of 30, death has definitely had it’s awful grips of almost unbearable grief on me…more than I would have liked. But, it’s a reality. A dark reality that the “Living” must face after the death of a loved one. With a global pandemic hovering over us, death has affected so many people from all walks of life. Here are a few things that people don’t tell you about death. And it’s not because they don’t want to tell you. The truth is, it’s heartbreaking to tell you.

No one wants their fellow man to experience the crushing feeling that death brings upon you. But for those of us who have had death grip our airways and buckle our knees with grief, we know that someday, most will understand that feeling, and it’s not something that we want to talk about. 

For starters, the emotions that come from the death of a loved one will catch you off guard. No matter how much you think you have prepared yourself, no matter the pep talks or the macho man or superwoman speeches you have rehearsed. IT WILL CATCH YOU OFF GUARD.

Secondly, the roller coaster of emotions known as grief never go away. The intensity of the grief subsides with time, but you will spend the rest of your life in some level of grief. Now, this isn’t to say that you will be sad and moping the rest of your life. The truth is, you will learn to live life with a void, with an absence….and grief will sneak up on you after a seemingly happy stint in life….just out of nowhere…and guess what? This is normal…

Third, it is not your fault. This one goes hand in hand with grief. One of the stages of grief is the guilt stage. No matter what you could have done differently, the outcome was meant for that day and the circumstances cannot be changed. Death is a reality and it’s not your fault – that is unless you have intentionally killed someone with ill intent. 

Number four – it’s ok to hurt for others who are experiencing the death of a loved one. It’s ok to be there for them. If anything, you can probably help them get thru their tough time…if you’re strong enough and in a place to do so. Only you know your journey to healing and how much you can expend emotionally. 

Number five – it is ok to cry. Let me repeat for ALL, EVERYONE, EACH LIVING HUMAN – it is OK to cry….some people may tell you that you need to be strong, yada, yada….screw that. Release your emotions….cry….and cry some more. It’s ok. No one gets an award for “holding in tears from heartaches”. You don’t get a winning lottery ticket…none of that. So, cry…let it out. It’s ok. Death is absolute yet unpredictable and that’s the “big scary” of it all.

And finally, number six, it is ok to smile and be happy after the death of a loved one. I’m sure if we could ask those that have passed away if they would want us all on the ground drowning in sorrow or smiling and living a seemingly happy life, most would probably choose the latter for their loved ones. It’s ok to “live” after experiencing a heart breaking death. Breathe…..live…..and remember those who have passed on before us – honor them and cherish the loved ones who are here…because unfortunately, death is lurking. 

Jealousy….the green eyed monster….

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life, Manifesting, The Live TríB

Jealousy….jealous…hate….the green eyed monster….where does it come from? I’ll tell you where…insecurities…mommy and/or daddy issues…socialization issues…the upbringing…and an unhealthy need to compare livelihoods. Whew! That’s a tongue twister, yet all so real.

I despise those who have jealous hearts. If one cannot be truly happy for their family and friends then are you really a friend or family worth being around? Half support is better than no support? Is that the angle? *sigh*….

I’m upfront with my thoughts, words, and deeds. AND I give people enough rope to hang themselves in my life if they choose to do so. So if I have ever bowed out, just know that I allowed too many passes AND it was way pass the time for me to go….and when I think back over those lost relationships, a lot of the issues tend to formulate around jealousy. People will be jealous because you can get your underwear whiter than theirs in the washer. It’s crazy the amount of minute things that people are coveting in your life. Sometimes it takes people years to shed the false face. Once you see the real face, believe it. We tend to give too many chances to people in our lives who don’t deserve one chance. People tend to cross you at the thought of getting some sort of benefit that would place them ahead of you in this game called life. It’s weird. But just to sum it all up, be wary of those who always switch circles. Be very wary of those who lose relationships left and right and be UBER AWARE of anyone who will lie and cry at the same time….LMBO!

Let me digress….jealousy….it’s a cold world to live in. Next up….Monday…where do I start?

Return to Work? I am at work.

Posted on by The TríB Online in Business, Entrepreneurship, Family, Life, Manifesting, Tech, The Live TríB

So as the world turns and as outside opens up for all to get their desired dose of “crowds”, there is this lingering order that is swirling around for several people…it’s the: “Return to work” or “Better Together” cheesy slogan that execs are attempting to use to bring their workforce back into the office. Well, for starters, you may want to start by acknowledging that the employees never left work, they have continued to keep the company afloat during a pandemic, so the “Return to Work” slogan may need to be retired. It comes off as a tad bit unappreciative to those workers who transitioned a portion of their homes into an “unfinanced” hub of your company. Kudos to those employees. Now the whole “Better Together”…*insert long drawn out sigh*….what year is this again? The Jetsons were well ahead of their time and even they got it! Me personally, I have seen much more of my coworkers while being at home than I ever did while in the office. Define “together”? If companies were having gatherings and everyone was sitting sitting around singing the latest kid bop jam and eating chips and salsa, then I obviously missed this and so did a heap of others. By together, possibly you mean that you need to see your workforce because seeing them gives you this “warm and fuzzy” of them being productive and working….*side eyeing my work BFF as we wonder how is this thought even possible telepathically*, or maybe together means if you can dictate their daily hours down to the second, then they have been good, stellar employees? No? Then define together for us please…we’re listening. Because honestly, I have seen so much productivity from people this past year than I have ever seen in all of my working years. People were comfortable and focused. They didn’t feel the pressures of the morning traffic, the pressures of leaving their house at 5:30 each morning to be at work at 8 a.m. and make it home at 7 or 8. Kid’s homework and dinner be damned. 

For those execs who are pushing to return to “normal”….newsflash, the old normal is actually “abnormal”. Times changed right before our eyes. For those who insist upon a full workforce, in house , 5 days a week, I can only imagine the quality of your recruiting for years to come. Companies are offering remote or hybrid or a combination of sort as a perk/benefit because they figured out for over a year, they didn’t miss a beat and actually gained more profit and more productive employees. For those who insist on seeing everyone and returning to the “archaic normal”…it’s ok to let go of the need to see people and equate it to success…please read that one more time. The pandemic forced you to do so (let go) and it probably wasn’t that bad. Growth…innovation, sustainability…..are all things that should be assessed when wanting to “return to work” or “return to normal” or whatever catchy phrase one is wanting to use. At the end of the day, do NOT be the company that loses headcount because you refuse to enter the year 2021. The time for meeting about meetings and meeting to hear each other breathe is over. You have to show up online with content or it’s the weird silence. Ahhhhhhhh….work….. Return? We’re here, where exactly are you? 

So I’m an Aquarius…

Posted on by The TríB Online in Business, Entrepreneurship, Family, Life, The Live TríB

So, I’m an Aquarius…water bearer…free flowing….LET US FLOW….When I was younger, I wasn’t into the zodiac as much as I am now. And, it’s a lil eerie how accurate the descriptions are at times. I also look at those I hold near and dear to me. I tend to have a lot of Virgo friends, Libras, Cancers, and Leo’s. There are a few others sprinkled here and there. But, for the most part, I’m an Aquarius to my core…just ask my Leo husband 😬 I’m saying all of that to say this, my patience is thin…at times. My children are forcing me to have more, but outside of them, I have a low tolerance for what I like to call: “foolery”. When I sense it, I tend to back away and go in another direction. There’s not too much that gets past me in regard to craziness, ill intentions, lies, manipulation, etc. So once I see it, hear it, sense it, I cannot undo it and my entire perception of a person can change in the blink of an eye. No matter who you are, once you fail the “sniff” test, your category with me changes. I despise excuses. People make conscious decisions to do whatever the hell he or she wants. So, I do not buy excuses at all. Sorry, it’s the world my mind lives in. But it’s also the world that makes the most sense….to me. Accountability exists in that world, honesty exists in that world. Morals exist in that world. Your word is your bond exists in that world. I do not make excuses for people who are harmful, manipulative, or liars and I secretly hate people who do. (I have friends who do this by the way and I literally just back away from them until I can tolerate them again). While I am not the epitome of perfection, I know some people who try to portray themselves as such…social media is the tool that allows people to put up fake lives and storylines. Someday, there will undoubtedly be a mental illness for that…until then, I just shake my head at those who do this…my biggest question is “Why”? I’m an Aquarius by the way. I just needed to say that during Gemini season…they do the most…and it seems to be the consensus. But they are not alone in their “doing the most” ways. Trust me…there are other people who are borderline psychotic, zodiac be damned. But in all seriousness…maintain peace, sanity, morals, light and for Pete’s sake stop posting fake lives for likes…most people already know the truth. Just own it and be free. Oh, did I mention that I am an Aquarius? Read about us…💄💋

The First Step

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life, The Live TríB

Soooooo, I did the first show on: The Live TríB last night! It was awesome!!!! There was some great convo surrounding: Trauma Bonds between parents…..but what about the kids? There were testimonials and an overall sentiment that this generation of parents HAVE to do better. Meaning, we as parents need to listen to our children and be more cognizant of their mental and emotional health, in addition to their physical health. Sometimes, parents think in simple terms of: food, clothing, and shelter as the only requirements in raising kids. This is simply not true. Kids need nurturing, kids need love, kids need to be respected as humans (ouch….our elders may cringe at this last blurb). But, it is true. I’m not saying that as parents, we are to allow our kids to run amuck and be disrespectful to everyone, BUT I am saying that they have voices, they are human, and they have opinions that we as parents SHOULD listen to and internalize. We have to do better by our children’s mental state so that they can navigate adulthood in, hopefully, a more positive light AND be around others who were also treated with respect and dignity in their childhood.

The show had me self-reflecting on my own parenting and what I can definitely work on with my own children. These conversations should happen more frequently until those that think that “ruling by fear and force” are ashamed to do so when it comes to kids. Let the kids be kids….let them play…let them roam free….give them space to thrive (not just physical space, they need mental and emotional space as well). I’m committed to bringing awareness to how we as adults treat kids as a whole. While kids who are abused physically carry scars externally and internally, there are a whole lot of kids who carry internal scars and because these scars are not seen externally, the kids are viewed as being “ok”. The truth is, they are not ok, and we as parents need to NOT be “ok” with this either.

There will be more shows with more topics and some will be as serious as this one and some will be for fun and laughter. I want to thank the people who joined me on this first step of a new journey. I was thoroughly impressed with the dialogue and had several people tell me how insightful the conversation was to them and that they are looking forward to the upcoming shows. The Live TríB is here…to stay…to enlighten…to inform…and to entertain. Be sure to check in with me on Clubhouse where you can listen in to the show. Also, check in with me on Instagram for updates. CH: @theonlytri, IG: @theonlytri, actual clubhouse: The Live TríB.

Until next time….

TGIF and the Weekend is Near but we have to Grow and leave TOXIC behind!

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life

It’s been a while since I’ve written a post, but today is the day for an update…and today’s topic is growth and leaving the toxic ish behind. Since my last post, I have celebrated a birthday and had a plethora of other things that have happened throughout my life and career. Those who know me are aware and those who need to know, definitely know. But, there are some things and ideas that I hold near and dear to my heart. Some I should hold near and dear and some things I probably should not, but me and the therapist will discuss those topics :). Anyhow, back to the topic GROWTH. I can spend all day on this topic, because the truth is, there are several people who have grown in positive directions and some who have not, but instead, have falsified their lives to make others think they have grown in a positive direction. But, when looking at the layers for what they really are, they in turn, live in a nest of toxicity and have done so for years…the problem with that scenario is that it tends to spill out into other areas of that person’s life because it’s impossible to contain…the areas of that person’s life where the facade is being kept…into relationships with others, friendships, etc. Have you ever met someone with so much potential but he or she can’t get out of their own way because of the toxicity that they carry and allow to consume them? Yes, I have too…and they tend to dismantle or attempt to dismantle any and every one in their path…and if you’re not careful, he or she will have you in the same boat doing the same thing…being toxic…to your kids, to your parents, to friends, etc. As a whole, we have to do better. And no, that’s not hating or judging, that’s the truth. People want to use the phrases: “they are hating” or “they are judging” in situations where he or she has been faced with the truth. If you only want people in an “Amen Corner” for you, then your growth is stifled and will continue to be. If you think everyone is hating or judging you and your circumstance instead of providing you with much needed feedback, then you are stifling your growth as well. Growth is not meant to be comfortable. Think of when your feet are growing and your toe is at the end of the shoe…it’s uncomfortable. The same applies for growth in your life. It will be uncomfortable….but before you want to say people are hating or judging, listen to the message. And also notate what you’re actually defending…the blinders are real for a lot of us. In growing and definitely in having and raising a family and a career, one has to always think of the betterment of not just themselves but of everyone who shares life space with them. And I’ll jump off the soapbox with this piece of advise…if you so choose to continue a toxic life space instead of truly growing without fear, then that is your prerogative. But please, for the love of all things lovable, keep that toxic ish within your 4 walls…and stop introducing others to that space…it’s not the norm…it’s selfish to use your village constantly as a dumping ground for the toxicity when you will defend it to no end and remain toxic with justifications for it. Friends and family (for the most part) are there to listen and give advice and not judge….but it is not fair to them or anyone else to hear the same story for thirty or forty years and not get tired and worn out. They are weary….they are stifling their growth partly because of you —read that sentence again. We all have to do better and grow. And if you’re toxic and reading this, seek help. You’re wearing everyone thin….and they want to grow in power, grow in love, grow in respect, and grow in the likeness of Him.

It’s heavy but it’s real…..

Thru The Fire

Posted on by The TríB Online in Family, Life

So, this webpage has been live for a few days and there is quite a bit of traffic! Not sure if people are just reading the blog OR wanting to utilize the services that are offered by The TríB, but either way, I’m thankful for it all. Just to give a tad bit more insight into my journey and how God works with me, let me start by saying that I have been thru the fire with emotions and traumatic experiences (losing both parents before the age of 30). During these times, God was molding me. He is continuing to mold me now, but I had to go thru the fire in order to become the woman I am today. When I say “fire”, the meaning of that word is a deep, dark place of discovering who I am and acknowledging HIS power in my life and the influence of HIM within my life. I always considered myself to be a smart go-getter. Even more so now, more than ever. I have learned to be humble and continue to compete only with myself. I want to outdo the Tanya Rochelle from yesterday….that’s it. So, I keep my eye on my prize and not anyone else’s. And for that, I have been rewarded in this life’s journey. Some may say, how can you say you’ve been rewarded with such a background? I’ll tell you why, see, it is my understanding that my earthly parents were done with their job of molding me. God stepped in and has been my parent since those tragic days. And believe me when I say, there is no better being to go to in a time of need and understanding. He provides me answers constantly. Before my journey, I was in church every Sunday because that’s what I was told to do and my Mama demanded it. So, it was business as usual every Sunday. God had to step in and get my attention for me to have that true relationship with Him. And He did just that. So, this journey has been long, rough, tiresome, and hard, but I’m still here…still excelling, still mentoring, still coaching, still building websites, and still continuing to grow in my career and as a person. Because now, I have two littles that are looking up to me. And for that reason, I cannot fail 🙂

It’s Official…The TríB Is Online

Posted on by The TríB Online in Entrepreneurship, Family, Life, Tech

So, here it is….finally, my PERSONAL website for my work, my gifts, my crafts…my loves….. I have procrastinated like no other in putting together this site. It is the site that describes me, my talents, my ambitions, my goals, and my crafts….but none the less, I struggled to release it. Working in the tech field and other fields, I am my own worst critic. And, I knew that I did NOT want the traditional black, blue, and white website for “business”. It’s mine and I’m paying for it….I need to enjoy looking at it. My business has definitely taken off and I’m forever grateful for the word of mouth and for those who trust me to bring their vision to life. I enjoy creating websites, logos, and helping people establish a true online presence that they can be proud of! So, enough about that….who am I? I’m a wife, a mother, a sister, and a plethora of other titles, but I’m me…..Tanya Rochelle….never a myth, but definitely on her way to being a legend *giggle/smirk*. I am a natural comedian who always sees the glass half full…and I’m here to help your business. Let’s get you online and let’s work.