Death….I’ve always heard there is one absolute that we all must face one day and that absolute is Death. And for most of us, we will be affected by it’s unbearable grip at some point in our lives. Having lost both parents before I made the age of 30, death has definitely had it’s awful grips of almost unbearable grief on me…more than I would have liked. But, it’s a reality. A dark reality that the “Living” must face after the death of a loved one. With a global pandemic hovering over us, death has affected so many people from all walks of life. Here are a few things that people don’t tell you about death. And it’s not because they don’t want to tell you. The truth is, it’s heartbreaking to tell you.

No one wants their fellow man to experience the crushing feeling that death brings upon you. But for those of us who have had death grip our airways and buckle our knees with grief, we know that someday, most will understand that feeling, and it’s not something that we want to talk about. 

For starters, the emotions that come from the death of a loved one will catch you off guard. No matter how much you think you have prepared yourself, no matter the pep talks or the macho man or superwoman speeches you have rehearsed. IT WILL CATCH YOU OFF GUARD.

Secondly, the roller coaster of emotions known as grief never go away. The intensity of the grief subsides with time, but you will spend the rest of your life in some level of grief. Now, this isn’t to say that you will be sad and moping the rest of your life. The truth is, you will learn to live life with a void, with an absence….and grief will sneak up on you after a seemingly happy stint in life….just out of nowhere…and guess what? This is normal…

Third, it is not your fault. This one goes hand in hand with grief. One of the stages of grief is the guilt stage. No matter what you could have done differently, the outcome was meant for that day and the circumstances cannot be changed. Death is a reality and it’s not your fault – that is unless you have intentionally killed someone with ill intent. 

Number four – it’s ok to hurt for others who are experiencing the death of a loved one. It’s ok to be there for them. If anything, you can probably help them get thru their tough time…if you’re strong enough and in a place to do so. Only you know your journey to healing and how much you can expend emotionally. 

Number five – it is ok to cry. Let me repeat for ALL, EVERYONE, EACH LIVING HUMAN – it is OK to cry….some people may tell you that you need to be strong, yada, yada….screw that. Release your emotions….cry….and cry some more. It’s ok. No one gets an award for “holding in tears from heartaches”. You don’t get a winning lottery ticket…none of that. So, cry…let it out. It’s ok. Death is absolute yet unpredictable and that’s the “big scary” of it all.

And finally, number six, it is ok to smile and be happy after the death of a loved one. I’m sure if we could ask those that have passed away if they would want us all on the ground drowning in sorrow or smiling and living a seemingly happy life, most would probably choose the latter for their loved ones. It’s ok to “live” after experiencing a heart breaking death. Breathe…..live…..and remember those who have passed on before us – honor them and cherish the loved ones who are here…because unfortunately, death is lurking.